I've packed my things away into a storage unit, just the first haul. I don't like how I'm feeling. It might be the horrible and stiff pain in my neck but I don't feel so good. Everything is a mess but the walls are blank and my room feels emptier than ever. I don't know if giving everything up was the right choice. I gave away the things I used to love. I gave away my hobbies. I fucking loved that pet fish even if he was just a fish. My room is quiet and echoey, no more sound of the wheel or the water flowing.
Is this really the next step? Am I making the right choice? Is this how I want to achieve my goals? I have no idea where or how I'll be in a week, or even months from now. I thought the optimism and my outlook would keep me going and stop me from falling deeper but at this point I'm not sure anymore.
It hurts.
I am still angry. Angry at the people I called my friends. People I thought I could trust that turned on me within the bat of an eye. Hurting me multiple times and then calling me the horrible one. Telling me to leave as if I never lived here, as if I wasn't their friend. I was right when my paranoia told me they didn't care.
I hate being right.
I hate them. They're disgusting and selfish and they only care for themselves. I'm going to throw them under the bus like they did me. This is another crossroad I'm not sure I should take, but I've already made all these huge choices that changed everything since New Years. What's one more? I can be horrible like they always say. They can say I'm crazy all they want because things didn't go their way.
They won't get away with it. I'm going to ruin them and they're going to be absolutely livid when they get a taste of their own medicine. This is the way things are now. You reap what you sow, they say.
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