Clear

My thoughts are finally feeling clear for once and maybe just maybe the future doesn't look so bad. Just for today at least. I'm just going to try and hold onto this motivation for as long as my stupid head can get around it. 

Stagnant

It's been how long now. I've been in the same place for too long and it shows. I feel useless like this. I need to progress with something. Anything. I'm tiredof always waiting for things to get better. Hope is a stupid thing. Probably part of the reason I got stuck before. That and fear.

Thing is though I feel like if I wait or take things into my own hands these feelings won't change. I'll never change. I never did, I think. I'm still lying to myself. For how long. 

I think I've been lying for a long time. As a necessity. 

I don't know.

Change; what a joke.