Over 8 months of going nowhere but at least I'm somewhere

I'm only working part time for 11 dollars, no car or license, no school or insurance or healthcare. In general, I feel like I'm fucked in the long run. Right now I'm good, but it's unavoidable. I can't stay here forever and keep the people I love and rely on. Eventually I could get cancer, since it probably runs in the family. Crippling dept and chemo could always be on the horizon. Stability isn't constant. 

8 months of freedom, mostly being content. No more burdensom anger and grief. How long will this last? How long until I lose my pillars of support, my only family and friends? My grief and bitterness for my long dead mother may be gone finally (at least I think) but how long until it's replaced with something fresher. In the end I will be alone. Because I never really was good at making friends. 

At least I'm happy for now. No longer in that festering shit hole. I rode the bus past there a few days ago and did everything not to look at the street going to the neighborhood. Like it doesn't exist. Like it never did. Like I never did. Sometimes I feel like an empty space, just blending in the background. Am I really here? Am I really better? Maybe just the place changed. 

Memento of Anger

It's only been around half a year but the awful consuming feelings I felt in that place are already distant. Back when all I really felt in my bubble of isolation was seething, festering rage. I was angry at my situation, at my uncaring and oblivious torturer. I was frustrated with the way I had to live. I felt it was unfair, school was only a reminder of how kids had better and normal lives.

 I found school a place to blame my misery, along with the students and teachers there. Eventually I went from wanting to escape the prison I could call school to wanting to graduate already so I could just leave my home and never come back.

My hatred of him has turned to apathy. I certainly wouldn't care if he died,  as he so claims he is. I'm never turning back. Besides, he never tried to change and he certainly isn't going to now. Not that I would forgive him. I hope I never hear from him again.