I'm so bored

 I need to do something. Yet nothing feels meaningful enough. Another restless and sleepless night I guess.

Tingles and disconnection

 It's kinda pointless to post this here but ever since the first time happened and I freaked out it's been bothering me. It started when I felt unexplained tingles while working. I wasn't feeling particularly anxious, not more than usual. 

Well I did get a bit anxious because of the tingles. The first thing coming to mind was seizures. But then I felt this strange feeling. Like all of my limbs weren't exactly tingling, but disconnected. Or maybe me myself was disconnected. Like I was about to float away or pass out.

Anyways I freaked out cause my body felt wrong so I went to the office only to feel normal again if not shaken up. I was sent on break,  I ate and drank. Then an hour or so back into work I felt the same sensation again, except toned down. I shook it off since it only lasted 2 or 3 seconds at best. 

I went to medical and they said it could be a panic attack,  my blood sugar was fine. I mean I did just eat and stuff but idk.

Sometimes I think I'll feel a tingle in my arms,  but last night after work I could've sworn my legs felt off and I was about to lose it again. 

I'm just worried that if this keeps up it'll get worse. And I have no idea what is happening because there are no mental triggers. It has only happened at work though so maybe it's only a physical thing.  

Stress on the body I can only hope.

But the disconnect is such a strange feeling. Right now I feel fine and I can only hope the next two days including my double shift will go smoothly. 

I don't like this. But all I can do is move forward. 

I thought things were getting better but then they got worse. And even more worse.

 Somehow even more worse. I know more shit is gonna pop up and make itself known. I am very much not having a fun time. In my stupid quest to make money I might have worked my body beyond the point of no return. 

Which I should have considered that this could possibly tank my wallet for a good while if not years if I do go see a doctor. Yayyy America. I know my job isn't going to help me jack shit.

Sincerely hope that my body isn't permanently wrecked for the rest of my life because I've been taking part in more active hobbies. 

Well I have been trying to, except now I think I've been starting to pick up suicidal ideation again. My depression has slowly been coming back. To top it off I may need a new place to stay but I'm broke. My moodswings have been all over the place and I feel like I just keep getting angry. 

I feel like this is only the beginning and I hate it. It got bad so fast. 

I'm so tired, can't everything just stop?