The future is looking nice and all

But I feel like things will go wrong again. I keep feeling like a shit person and falling inti my old habits of self loathing. Things don't feel right or colorful like before and it just seems empty. It's been over a week and the more I forget the more I regret and hate myself. I keep looking at photos that I took of her and I hate how I failed despite doing everything right and Im scared I'll fail again of lose something important to me again, because nothing is really fair here.

So my chameleon died

I've only had her for 6 months. Got her surgery over a month ago that was supposed to save her life. After her stitches were removed her health declined. We only found out what was wrong at her second visit to the new vet (in a row) when it was already too late. They found the swollen area by her scar too late. So the surgery may have killed her. 2 weeks I refused to believe anything was terribly wrong, I thought I had 4 more years. So yeah I made the decision to put the sweet lizard down and they gave me her lifeless body. She wasn't a beautiful green anymore. No more googly eyes and grabby hands making her way to perch on my head.