Fucking

 It's only been 6 months. Fuck.

Why.

Why did I even come back here? Oh, that's right. I'm getting bad again. 

I feel like a fucking kid again, and that is not a good thing. 

And am I going to do anything about it that won't potentially harm me? (ha potentially. well its a bit late for that now isnt it.) Probably fucking not. 

Am I going to elaborate? Fuck no.

Wow I've been really angry with myself and literally everyone else recently and the self hatred is nearly at max capacity. Can't believe I decided to come back to this blog I don't even know why I wrote it. Or why it's public. Maybe its because I'm so desperate to share SOMETHING cause I won't and never have trusted anyone with my feelings and secrets. 

God this is so stupid. Maybe "fake it till you make it" will work better. Or maybe I just need to sleep it off but I doubt it since this hasn't happened in literal years. 

Once again I don't want to elaborate. I don't know why. I'm just so frustrated and sad and angry but it's not like I ever have an outlet. Maybe that was why I did it.

I get mad at others, I react, I get mad at myself, then what? Just, hate myself more? Get angry more? 

Withdraw from everyone just so I STOP?

It's hard to feel much now so I guess it's fine.